How to heal your relationship and make it last.
One of the questions I get asked most as a counsellor and writer is ? how do I know when to leave a relationship that isn?t working? My answer is twofold. I say it?s time to leave when either the negative aspects are greater than the positive, or when love for another becomes abuse of Self.
It?s best to address relationship issues before it gets to theirreconcilable level. What can be done?
Choosing the right partner to begin with is the best plan, of course, and this can only happen when each partner has enough self-awareness to leave their past baggage behind and come clean to this new relationship. If, as time progresses, you recognise that you have indeed selected poorly, don?t be afraid to acknowledge this and leave the alliance. However, even the most
perfectly compatible couple can and will have difficult times. Enter the relationship with that understanding and arm yourself with as many skills as you possibly can, to see you through the routine times and the challenging times.
Here are my top 10 tips for skills needed to keep a relationship not only enduring but thriving.
Communication.
This is the big one, because whatever difficulties a couple face, communication skills are going to help. Without them, solutions are impossible to find. Open lines, honesty and the willingness to listen are essential to healthy and positive interaction.
Spending quality time together
In this busy age, it?s very easy to let the weeks fly by during which partners hardly see each other. Quality time needs to be scheduled and embraced. Both people must value it. It doesn?t have to be formalised but it must be regular, preferably some small period allocated each day, just time to relax, unwind, and talk without agenda. In this way, closeness can be maintained.
Sexuality.
A lot of people would put this first in a lasting relationship but I don?t think it?s necessarily the single most important factor in a good marriage.
It?s only one component, and tends to assume larger-than-life proportions when it?s not working well. Keeping this area fresh is vital. It?s not about frequency or even variety; it?s about staying keen, keeping romance alive and being a little bit adventurous. Levels of libido may differ but loving each other is about more than sexual activity; it?s about intimacy, which is a broader concept.
Sense of humour.
In some ways, laughing together is more intimate than sex. Sharing a joke or funny idea creates connection in a way that is uplifting and fosters positive feeling. Humour is one of the best ways to defuse tension when
there?s conflict between two people. A well-placed joke in a potential fight can dispel anger and create a feeling of what?s the hassle??
Interests
While I advocate that partners should have their own friends and hobbies, I do think that in a relationship, there has to be some sort of cement that keeps the two together. Ideally, each should do their own thing then share social activities, outings and interests in common as well. If in a marriage, individuals entirely do things on their own, they may just as well be single.
Acceptance
To me, this is the foundation of every meaningful relationship. Without it, differences become insurmountable, eventually taking over all good feelings.
Each partner has a right to expect acceptance, which does not mean agreement, by the way. It means that you acknowledge the right of your partner to think, act, choose and feel differently to you. Acceptance means
a suspension of judgement and a renouncing of criticism. This is a very difficult one, but worth practising.
Source: http://www.eromancehelp.com/healing-relationships-by-dr-charmaine-saunders-part-1/
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