Lily's Movie Reviews: E.T. ? Raising a Realist

I asked Lily to write a review of the latest film she had seen, but as she did it with a paint brush in some sort of pictographic toddler language, I have taken the liberty of translating:

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E.T. and Daddy?s Cloying Sentimentality

A Detailed Analysis by Lily Sterling

Daddy suggested I watch this movie by making loose comparisons to Bot Movie (Star Wars), and I was initially confused by the fact that it wasn?t animated like everything else I watch, but I stuck with it and I?m glad I did, even though there were certain aspects that were confusing to me.

I thought the little squatty fellow was a robot at first because Daddy promised that this was like Bot Movie, but he corrected me by saying he was an ?alien.? I only know that word from its usage on the Fox News that Grandpa makes me watch, and this little guy certainly didn?t look like he could jump over a fence in the desert, so Daddy had to modify and say he was a ?creature.? That didn?t help.

There was a lot of telephone usage in this film. When I reported to Daddy that I?ve never used a telephone like that before, he laughed a lot and said ?And you probably never will.?

Why did the little boy keep going outside? If there were a ?feature? outside, I would probably stay inside. I certainly wouldn?t feed him my candy. I like candy.

Why can?t Daddy make the bike fly when we go out on rides? Maybe I need to sit up front?

Why didn?t the E.T. just use his Mommy?s computer to write an e-mail to his friends to come pick him up? That machine looked like something I would build.

When I?m sick, Mommy lets me stay in her bed and watch cartoons all day. If a ?feature? is sick, the government comes and sets up a massive camp-out. I think I like my way better.

Unfortunately, we couldn?t finish the film as we were past my bedtime. I will forever hold it against Daddy that E.T.?s death ended the movie. School kids will laugh and point when they correct me later in life. Daddy says this ending is a much better preparation for the inevitable disappointment of life. What a downer.

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